Let it out!

Here are a few things I just feel the need to write down.  This is not me looking for sympathy or compliment,  just venting....  being real

I feel we as Moms put so much pressure on ourselves.  Maybe it's just me but I think a lot of us feel this way.  The pressure, stress is daunting.  We, my family, Archie and I are very busy.  Sometimes I don't think our family and friends truly realize how busy we are.  BUT we have made our lives this way.  Our "to-do" lists are always full.  I try to cram AS MUCH AS I can in one day.  

Every day I work, run errands, deal with the hut, think about the clothes i must fold as soon as they get out the dryer, empty the dishwasher, what is for dinner, can we hang out with so and so this week, spend quality time with my girls for the three hours i see them in the afternoon, need to run because i feel guilty for eating donut holes with the girls, make sure my house is clean, Finish the house, order furniture, paint?, did i feed the dogs, who is working the hut this weekend, try to "teach" Emery something like a color or letter, stay in touch with friends so they don't get mad, call mom, try and sell more drugs so i can get a bonus, do expenses, order samples, order lunch/breakfast for my offices, Fathers Day gifts, whose birthday did I just miss, Love on my hubby, make sure I put on my anti wrinkle cream at night, do a few squats....

IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!!!!!

I think there are too many of you Perfect moms out there!  Im not mad, just a tad jealous that I don't have a home cooked meal every night, time to go to the gym every day, don't look awesome next to you skinny bitches at the pool (toned, tan, size zero freaks of nature), have well mannered/disciplined children.  

I yell.  I spank.  I eat frozen chicken nuggets and hot dogs most nights.  I love those frozen veggie packs. I go days without feeding the dogs.  I constantly feel guilty for not working out every day.  I feel guilty for not going to LC more often.  I feel guilty for getting a sitter for a much needed date night.  I feel guilty for working.  I feel guilty for knowing I probably couldn't handle being a stay at home mom (that is work!!!!!) 

The truth is I do this to myself.  I make a list every morning when I get in my car and what doesn't get done that day moves to the next day.  I try to multitask to the absolute Fullest.  I have read many articles  recently on FB about the pressure we put on ourselves as parents.  And I always walk away thinking I have got to let some things go.  

So I am not perfect!  But I stress myself out to be as close as I can. I wish/hope/will try to take a step back.  Who cares if there are dishes in my sink?  Judge me.  Who cares about my laundry?  Who cares if my thighs are a little thick?  Who cares if there is no dining room furniture in the house?  You know who doesn't care?  Emery and Lyla and Archie.  And folks they are who I need to focus More on.  They are who I WANT to focus more on.  This is my new "to-do" list.  

I am writing this down so I can reread it over and over and over and over when I feel my limit is being topped off.  If I offended you sorry, Just don't tell me because I will stress over it.